My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. 24 years younger than I. This could be a reason why your wife avoids sex. It's possible that your wife is no longer attracted to you or perhaps no longer interested in being married to youthough just note, a lowered libido alone is not necessarily indicative of a larger problem with the relationship. Absolutely! Why, in a relationship, is Sex so bloody important? Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. I think if my husband was interested in sex, even if it is too small and limp now, he would at least try to help ease my throbbing desire. A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. People get lazy and just expect sex to happen because theyre married. Were a distinctive, diverse collection of people aged 60 and older who are busy changing the way we age by embracing opportunities to reshape our lives, connect with and help one another, and change the world for the better all while learning, growing, and having fun! Shes my childhood sweetheart, has a lovely personality, a wonderful mother and a very sexy body and persona to boot.. We are peas in a pod. Semi handsome for an old guy. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. Ive just seen this ,not sure when posted .ive tried so hard to get wife to have sex .she says menopause.then I gave up.but other we I had a beer and told her how I felt .silly beer a..so she been trying to start sex but my body has closed down to her .im worried ive turned off to her mentally.I do love her but shes noticed im not getting aroused like I used too .and now shes saying I prefer porn, but its how ive got by for so long.its really .mested up.im 53sorry. Just like mental health, physical well-being is also essential for women to feel sexually charged up. Ive been married three times and my third wife is the number one compared to the first three. **Women are constantly told to shut up and accept. Thats a humiliating feeling. And pressure is a total libido killer that can set off a cycle of sexual avoidance, according to AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, M.A. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. Whatever it is, the impact for you is that you don't feel loved or cared about the same. She has become a roommate and a friend, but not a wife that gives me the joy and love we used to have. But, do not sell yourself. Somehow I thought that would be my fix. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! I was already starting to think that I was a man born in a womans body!!! Married 30 years now. For many men, wooing and life after wooing are two vastly different realities. She is intelligent and knows exactly what is going on. A pill? Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. But, on the sex side, not too good. Super heart broken!!! I dont have a problem with a sexless marriage, in fact I created it in our marriage. I set up a Revenge cheat. Should they swallow it just to make you feel good? What is the solution? What to about it: Learn how to make a woman have an orgasm and how to make sex better for women. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. Thank you for recognizing a very very bad situation and trying to remedy. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! Here is a video explaining mental illness that might help. Hi Monica, You ladies need to get hip on new Sex Play & Sex Toys, My wife of 1yr,(she is 73) ( Im 77) We were having sex every nite & 3 times on weekendsand it all came to a STOP about a month ago. Ive been married to my husband for 35 + years to an indifferent withholder for the entire marriage. Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Your children can/will respect only what they see and experience. stop insultiing cats. You have made a commitment to one another to do more than go through the daily grind or process of pretending to have a mutual satisfying relationship when in fact, you are simply roommates! Life is so wonderful! I miss the simple things. I have many friends in this situation. If not he should go on in it. Another way to improve lack of sexual desire is to change things up in the bedroom. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me - He Rejects Your Hugs, Kisses, And Touch. We are both active and healthy. Thats something that you honestly need to ask yourself. The best thing to do when y our partner doesn't want to be intimate is to ask them about it, point blank. I told him we could stay married/faithful to each other without any type of sex/sexual contact. My husband had 19 affairs. But we didnt know what we had. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. I feel I am supportive, helpful, etc but know Im not perfect. Sometimes when a woman becomes a mother, it can affect the way she sees herselfand the way her partner sees her. Lame! Guys need intimacy too as well as sex and we love our spouses too. The only relief that I get from my pain is physical pleasure. Hello Hawkeye goodluck! Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. I love him and still desire him (even though he lost his hair and gained a gut!!) Now it is back to looking at every other couple as maybe having something unattainable for me and my Wife. Id been wearing blinders believing shed never cheat. Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . If both parties dont want to change things (and only one does) then unfortunately the situation is probably doomed. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. No, I should say male divined WRONG! My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. He is either not attracted to you, depressed, or preoccupied. I feel like Ive been through hell. I dont have many helpful things to add but I am getting on with life, there is more to do than sit around wallowing in sexlessness. She understands that its hard for me, but we both dont know what to do about the situation. Harley, yeah I believe men are more likely to complain then women in places like this. Been married 20 years . Agree Sean. I feared marriage for tears because I knew this is what it would be. Always happy to help. Im not convinced of this because he does not even initiate a kiss. Men, if you want sex and the answer at home is no, you can accept that the last time you had sex will be it until you die. I am a 52 year old woman who has had a hysterectomy and has gone through menopause and I have always had a high libido and still do. When home I was to do whatever he wanted me to. At least the replies here seem to reflect this, noting that the opposite can and does happen. Be loving. A husband must shoehorn that sex drive into the confines of marriage, where only his wife can accommodate it. Thank you, great essay. Once you restore an emotional connection, your physical one is sure to follow. I am male. We dont really argue and enjoy each others company. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. After chemo and radiation, they put her on hormone suppression drugs, which reduced her libido a lot. Once the women have these needs fulfilled the sexual desire for the man that gave them all the things they desired goes away. . Hello fingers!! He wanted to break the monotony in the relationship, but she simply wouldnt open up. Sorry long diatribe. Think back to the time when you were dating. What to Do If Your Wife No Longer Loves You - Verywell Mind We enjoy our company, share similar hobbies, have a lovely family and house, like to travell together, share chores ( I make a gourmet breakfast every Sunday) dont really have financial issues apart from the normal stress episodes, and above all we love each other dearly or at least we say it all the time! You can be in a marriage without sex. Here are some foreplay ideas for inspo. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. She would use the excuse of my children may interrupt, although I would point out we have a lock on the door. I suggest that you forget about sex and focus more on hugging, cuddling and kissing. She has just lost interest. Rejection soon turns into resentment. We men are so caught up in our egos . There has to be more than just telling people they should talk about it. Men dont want to force their wives into sex, nor do they want to beg for it. . Now when it comes to my receiving oral sex to orgasm? Maddening! I would be gone before dark! In the real world things are very different. Too much trouble. Then menopause dried it out and the muscles resist and joints spasm, so its painful. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! Ive slept in my own bedroom for 43 of those years. Maybe there are areas of your marriage to be worked on, maybe a little couples' therapy will make a big difference, or maybe it's time to consider whether this marriage is really worth holding on to. Now after almost 50 years of marriage, I get two aging people going through the motions of life with a hug and a quick peck on the lips because to desire more means I am stressing him out or asking too much. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. Any discussion goes nowhere. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. The first and most important thing you should do if your wife is never in the mood is talk about it. But I still love my wife dearly and have no desire to cheat on her. Ive lived through a sexless marriage myself. One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. I had to fend for myself, and I could have done that before we were married. It is sad when u see other men drooling over me but the one I want. We had sex once last year and it had been a while prior to that, but she told me that due to the pain and all, she doesnt want to do it any more. Both men and women lose sex drives some times, but with proper nutrition and exercise etc it can be reclaimed. To survive youll need to cheat or else go insane. When your wife avoids physical contact, it could be because of resentment, 13. Having a regular marriage check-in can help you keep an eye on your relationship and ensure you are satisfied with how much time you spend together in the bedroom. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. Its no secret that sex after marriage tends to become monotonous, especially if neither partner makes an effort to keep the fire of passion burning. I rest my case. That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. I have the same problem I love my wife but I need sex. In fact, according to WebMD, there are multiple causes that will negatively affect the sexual desire in a woman. In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Nothing is out of bounds! While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. This can be emotionally wounding for her, and the man too if he has empathy. Please ask your husband if hell see a counselor with you to save your marriage. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. Right. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. As well as almost no feeling there as well. In recent times, our sex life has begun to resemble our early 20s again, even better because contraception is in the rearview mirror. But just remember, mature willing women are unicorns. In some cases, this can escalate intopostpartum depression, which is a common reason why many women experience a lack of sexual desire after childbirth. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. Perhaps your husband, as well as a few troglodytes posting here, are in need of some attitude adjustments, but you shouldnt paint all men with the same brush. He is unhappy with the state of your relationship. She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. If thats the case, try to build a successful relationship after cheating; own up to your mistakes, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her and assure her that its all in the past. There is one category which never seems to be covered in these kind of forums, that is where one partner is both medically unadvisable to have sex. Stan, This is a huge problem, how can I live with someone who feels this way? Still, feeling like your wife doesnt want sex anymore? If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. I cannot hurt him. If they did, they would be taking care of business! It wont fix the sexless marriage. Dianne. Good luck. Take care. Sounds like you should try therapy. I understand that some people accept this type of relationship and just crave a good friend and companion for the rest of their life. But unfortunately I do feel that it is my fault I just wish I knew what and that I could make it better. That never goes away for most women or men. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. When having sex she has to do most of the work especially when it takes him 45 minutes to get hard and all she wants to do is go to sleep because tommorow will come before she knows it or if one of the kids wakes up because they couldnt sleep or they are sick. My 76 year old husband has not. Here after all of this, what I am trying to say Stan, is if you feel as if your wife really and truly does not want to have anything to do with sex, maybe, as with my wife, her spirit has been broken and if that is the case, she very much needs your understanding more than ever before in your marriage. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. My son is in an open marriage (I know this because he and his wife talk about it openly) and it opened my eyes to the reality that it is unrealistic to expect one person to be able to satisfy all of your sexual needs. Once the children appeared on the scene I would never have done anything that would risk us splitting up. And really dont know what to do. Richard C I cant stop thinking about it. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. That being said, my wife and I married young. But certainly different than when we were younger. She will not go to any therapy. We feel just as frustrated that our actions are not recognized by our women. If your wife won't touch you, maybe something has changed. Im 55 my name is Tom, I havent made love to my wife in nearly 9 years due to her having several medical issues. Many marriages have been ruin, husband are sad, desperate, when wives started to isolate themselves. Either something happened that made her feel that way or shes lying. 3. But for women, its quite different. What shes done to me all these years was downright evil ! Tell her how much I love her. I actually envy those that are single. Illness, marital issues, motherhood, or work anxiety can cause your wife to feel too overwhelmed for intimacy. I have come to that conclusion also. My first wife and I married when we were 21. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma. In my is own skin. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Men are not brain dead. Here is what the problem is when it comes to SEX. Porn is the no. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. And everyone under his authority flourishes. Ive tried to convey this, but without success. Just need the fortitude to go. I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. We have tried many times and many ways to lose weight, but his belly doesnt change much and hes passed his growing stage of life. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. Do we risk our grown children finding out and not understanding? This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. If I spend time or money on them, I get ridiculed. Two lovers need boundaries to choose their path. The experts have very little to offer. only issue. Guess were done here . We are 64 years old and havent had sex for 3 1/2 years. The two C words! 16 years being married. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. So, maybe you need to think about going back to being friends and not husband and wife? 1. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. I am fairly attractive and I. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. You can bring up your feelings about the importance of sex in your relationship so that she knows and can let you know what she has the capacity for. But they can FORCE their partners to NOT have sex and No one seems to want to talk about that. I so badly need a woman I NEED an active partner. Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. This can be a disheartening situation to cope with. I want to divorce my husband!!! Thats a depressing thought too. My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. My Boyfriend Doesn't Seem Interested in Me Sexually Anymore: 11 Reasons He's Lost Interest 1. . Blah blah blah. Joan Price is the authorof several books including The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50 andthe award-winning self-help bookNaked at Our Age.Visit Joans blog, Naked at Our Age and herFacebook page. All this can cause a person to go into anger and hibernate. See all of Joans advice in Sex@Our Age. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it.
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