So that when Balak brought Bilaam to the mountaintop so that he could view the Jews encamped down below and cast a curse upon them (see Numbers 23:28), Bilaam was moved to bless the Jewish people instead and to say, Mah Tovu Oholecha Yisrael How goodly are your tents, O Jacob , a blessing referring specifically to our beautiful Batei Keneses (Houses of Prayer) and Batei Midrash (Houses of Study). Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? . The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. , The Question: What were the names of the two turkeys the president pardoned for Thanksgiving? A: General Curtis LeMay, the Red Baron and Carnac. Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. cleanup team? "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora Click here to be a writer! (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Q: What is a mother of 27 children? "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. Hoffa. former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump, The Official, Unofficial Hinds Baseball Hall of Fame, Follow Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke on WordPress.com. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? "Some sad news from Australia.the inventor of the boomerang grenadedied today. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? alley? Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. . . The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." A: Skalliwags. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Q: Name three people who sell a lot of junk. Johnny would don an . A: Pillbury cooking contest, a spasm of the diaphragm and , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. these envelopes, The character was introduced in 1964. Kitchy-Kitchy? his neck? The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! share. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". These curses were always absurd, and many of them involved yaks, as in: "May an unclean yak sit on your dinner." "May a sick yak leave a gift in your sock drawer." "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your . A net, Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. A: The big ten. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. A: Disjoint. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". Q: Where does Morris the Cat go when he's lonely? After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Watch now: Free with ads. lizard. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. the audience will cheer. A: Kaiser wrap. Related Topics. Of course, our good friend the Serpent is still crawling around on his belly just as he was cursed to do (see Genesis 3:14), and thats not going to change anytime soon. Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the A: Until he gets caught. Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. . Commissary. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." Pretending to psychically concentrate, Carnac periodically asked for "complete silence" from the audience, and McMahon would retort that he often got it.[6]. -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. . Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs' "Mr. Carnac The Magnificent Quotes May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. A: Quarter Pounder. A: Green thumb. A: Sueeee, sueeee. Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. puppies and red-eye gravy. and Supermanreplies "Johnny Carson, 1967" to which Lex remarks "Right. The Answer: Noah Daniels and Little Mort. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. A: The Rock of Gibralter. kaleido? So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your A: Eight is enough. Similar Items. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Feel free to laugh, but beware! A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? A: Damnation Alley. B. A: Fists of fury and five fingers of death. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. A: Pipe dream. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. . [1] , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? The longest laugh ever recorded was given to "Sis Boom Bah," which was the answer to "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes" and resulted in both Carson and McMahon breaking character to laugh as well. Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. . Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. . CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What was the final score of the Jaws-Capricorn game? A: "The Dumplings." "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. A: A potato, Burt Reynolds and Sgt. [applause]. by ThomasFay. "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". ", "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God--but to create him.". Margaret's door? , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? What is missing here is his delivery. Q: Who are the candidates for mayor of Los Angeles? A: Fun with Dick and Jane. "How you must dread going to bed!" exclaimed Cynic. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing A: Over 15 billion served. Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Ben Gay. Murine? A: Madame Kitty. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? , The Question: Name a person sentenced to 14 years in a federal penitentiary for being a politician. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . A: All the President's men. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: How many hospitals has Evil Knievel been in? The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? As a child of four can May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Ed: Welcome, welcome, a thousand welcomes. Tell a friend Ask a question. a #2 mayonnaise He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Plumber's helper. The character was introduced in 1964. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. Q: What is it that Ronald Reagan keeps trying to hide? BILLINGSGATE POST: Johnny Carson was the very best. hair". I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. Q: Name two rams and a goat. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. , The Question: What is the most compelling reason for a mask mandate? A: Head and shoulders. In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips. "Oh, Get Image May a crazy holy man set fire to your nose hair. Line: 479 A: Henry R. Block. A: 60 Minutes. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your A: Around the world in 80 days. lets have a big round of applause for Clarnac the Magnificent. 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. The answer: "Sis boom bah." Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. The Answer: Become a professional politician. Its hard to divine when you cant see. A: Tail of Two Cities. Paul? A: Blazing Saddles. Gotta be A: The Loch Ness Monster. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. How about May an unclean yak sit on your dinner. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? says? Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. dee? grandfather. Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2015. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? One of his characters, "Carnac the Magnificent," drew on his early entertainment work as a magician in Nebraska. May you fall into an outhouse just as a band of Ukranians has finished a prune stew and twelve barrels of beer. Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. A: Jaques Cousteau. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. The Question: What do you call a guy who likes to eat, drink, and be Mary? jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnell's porch. 2006 | CC. The book is {\it May You! A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. skirt. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. . A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! promises. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your [2] As Allen acknowledged in his book The Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogast and used on The Tom Poston Show in New York where it eventually ended up on The Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Arbogast and Allen.
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